First rishta meetings tend to cover the same safe ground - hobbies, favourite food, "tell me about yourself" - and both people go home knowing very little. Here are better questions, grouped by what really decides whether a marriage works. You don't need all of them in one meeting; pick a few from each group over two or three conversations.
Work and ambition
- What does a normal workday look like for you?
- Where do you see your career in five years - and would you move cities for it?
- How do you feel about your partner working after marriage? After children?
- Have you ever changed jobs or careers? What made you do it?
- What would you do if your partner got a great offer in another city?
Listen for: clear, specific answers. Vague lines like "settled in business" or "planning to go abroad" need follow-up.
Where and how you'll live
- Which city do you want to live in for the next few years?
- Will we live with your parents, near them, or on our own? Is that open to discussion?
- Who does what at home in your family today?
- How do you like to spend weekends?
Money
- How do you think about saving vs spending?
- Do you support your parents or siblings financially? Will that continue?
- Do you have any loans or EMIs?
- Would we have joint finances, separate, or both?
Money is the most-avoided topic and one of the most important. Ask gently, and share your own answers first.
Family
- How are decisions made in your family?
- How close are you to your parents? How often do you talk?
- What do your parents expect from their daughter-in-law / son-in-law?
- How does your family handle disagreements?
- Are there family traditions that matter a lot to you?
Values and faith
- How religious are you, and how religious is your family? What do you expect from your partner?
- Diet: vegetarian, non-vegetarian, eggs, alcohol - at home and outside?
- What is something you will never compromise on?
Children and the future
- Do you want children? When? How many?
- How do you think parenting should be shared?
- Where would you want your children to grow up?
Past and personal
- Have you been in a serious relationship before? (Ask only if you're ready to answer it too, and respect a "rather not".)
- Is there anything about your health you'd want a partner to know?
- What are you working on improving about yourself?
Conflict and communication
- How do you react when you're angry or stressed?
- When you disagree with someone close, how do you resolve it?
- What do you need from a partner on a bad day?
The meeting itself
- What made you say yes to this meeting?
- What are you looking for in a partner - and what's a dealbreaker?
- Is there anything in my biodata you'd like to know more about?
For NRI proposals
- What is your visa or citizenship status? (H-1B, green card, PR, citizen)
- How secure is your job, and what's your plan if it changes?
- Would your partner be able to work there? (Spouse visa rules vary by country and visa type.)
- Do you plan to come back to India? When?
Questions for the families
- What does a wedding look like for you - size, budget, who pays? (And be clear that any talk of dowry is a red flag - it's a criminal offence.)
- What are your expectations after marriage - visits, festivals, living arrangements?
- Is there anything you'd like to know about our family?
After each meeting
Write two lines while it's fresh: what felt right, what's unclear, and the next step. That's exactly what the rishta tracker is for - and when you're down to a few, the comparison report puts the answers side by side.